What Goes Around..Comes Around
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I believe that everything happens for a reason. A Ying for every Yang. An equal and opposite reaction for every action. And so on, and so forth.
I pride myself on being kind, tactful, and supportive, but honest. Don't ask me my opinion if you don't want the truth. Or the truth from my perspective anyway. And by these standards, I assume that I give fairly decent advice as people seem to keep asking my opinion.
So, when I sat at dinner last night talking about a man who was dying of cancer after a long life of smoking, drinking, drug abuse, spousal abuse and just a generically not so nice kinda guy, sympathy was not high on the list for me. I chose to keep my mouth shut, as the woman who was speaking was speaking of her brother-in-law. Ex-BIL actually. She was going on about how the whole thing has thrown her family into upheaval and upset the kids (his kids) more than anything and that the whole thing was really sad. I agree..sad that the kids won't have a life with a decent father. Sad that he's dragging his family through all of this. And sad that he didn't take better care of himself and try to be a better to person to possible avoid this to begin with.
Mouth still shut. Then a flicker of understanding flashed through my brain. She was saying all of this for my benefit. She was saying it because HER husband, who I love dearly, is following along the same lines as the BIL ..minus the abusive nature. He drinks...nearly a case a day...1/2 consumed on his way home from work...yes driving...smokes 3 packs of cigarettes a day...has incredibly high blood pressure....a very stressful job...and spent almost 2 weeks in the hospital last year due to 100's of blood clots in his leg. You think this would've been a wake up call. Nope.
Mouth still shut, though getting much harder. SHE continues to tell her hubs, in front of me that he should go visit the BIL to see where he's headed. Subtle. That this is what will happen if he continues to drink and smoke and not take care of himself. He'll leave his family alone and destitute and longing for his company. Okay...a little drama added, but definitely the feel of the conversation. Then she says...
"Don't you think?"
Huh? You tawkin' ta me??? "I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I might say something incredibly heartless and mean and possibly sticking my foot way down my throat."
HER Hubs " No, really we want to hear what you have to say."
"Nope." I'm really trying here!!
"No, really. Tell us."
"Okay you asked for it. What goes around comes around. The BIL is a nasty, rotten man who didn't take care of himself for years. He was a borderline alchoholic who drank too much, smoked too much and found himself invincible...until he wasn't. Now he want's everyone to feel sorry for him and make up for all the wrong he's done in 56 years in one weeks time simply because he's scared and doesn't know how much time he has left. He's sick and dying and alone and scared. He put it out there his whole life...and now it's just coming back to him. I think its' sad. There are so many people in this world who have screwed up and continue to screw up. They blame it on the past. Dysfunctional families, abuse, whatever. Guess what? It's in the past!!! It's done. Over with...there is nothing you can do to change it..but there is also, nothing you can't change if you want to bad enough. It's a matter of priorities, asking for help if you need to, and taking care of you. If you can't take care of yourself, no one else can. No one else should and you certainly can't take care of others. Life has a way of giving you what you deserve. It's up to you to make it positive." Mouth opened. I told him how I felt.
Hubs got up and walked into the house. SHE was happy I said something...and backed her up. I felt like shit and pissed at her for bringing me into her crap..but satisfied. It's been building up for 4 years now. Now it's out there, finally.
++++
Now, let me counter this by saying. I still believe everything happens for a reason, though many times we don't know what that reason is. Why do bad things happen to good people? Please go visit Elle, as her son has been in the hospital for a couple of days and nearly died from what they thought was the flu. This is a woman who is a true testament to overcoming the odds and putting pain behind her. Please go say "Hi" and share your well wishes for her, her family and her son.
Thanks. Peace.
I pride myself on being kind, tactful, and supportive, but honest. Don't ask me my opinion if you don't want the truth. Or the truth from my perspective anyway. And by these standards, I assume that I give fairly decent advice as people seem to keep asking my opinion.
So, when I sat at dinner last night talking about a man who was dying of cancer after a long life of smoking, drinking, drug abuse, spousal abuse and just a generically not so nice kinda guy, sympathy was not high on the list for me. I chose to keep my mouth shut, as the woman who was speaking was speaking of her brother-in-law. Ex-BIL actually. She was going on about how the whole thing has thrown her family into upheaval and upset the kids (his kids) more than anything and that the whole thing was really sad. I agree..sad that the kids won't have a life with a decent father. Sad that he's dragging his family through all of this. And sad that he didn't take better care of himself and try to be a better to person to possible avoid this to begin with.
Mouth still shut. Then a flicker of understanding flashed through my brain. She was saying all of this for my benefit. She was saying it because HER husband, who I love dearly, is following along the same lines as the BIL ..minus the abusive nature. He drinks...nearly a case a day...1/2 consumed on his way home from work...yes driving...smokes 3 packs of cigarettes a day...has incredibly high blood pressure....a very stressful job...and spent almost 2 weeks in the hospital last year due to 100's of blood clots in his leg. You think this would've been a wake up call. Nope.
Mouth still shut, though getting much harder. SHE continues to tell her hubs, in front of me that he should go visit the BIL to see where he's headed. Subtle. That this is what will happen if he continues to drink and smoke and not take care of himself. He'll leave his family alone and destitute and longing for his company. Okay...a little drama added, but definitely the feel of the conversation. Then she says...
"Don't you think?"
Huh? You tawkin' ta me??? "I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I might say something incredibly heartless and mean and possibly sticking my foot way down my throat."
HER Hubs " No, really we want to hear what you have to say."
"Nope." I'm really trying here!!
"No, really. Tell us."
"Okay you asked for it. What goes around comes around. The BIL is a nasty, rotten man who didn't take care of himself for years. He was a borderline alchoholic who drank too much, smoked too much and found himself invincible...until he wasn't. Now he want's everyone to feel sorry for him and make up for all the wrong he's done in 56 years in one weeks time simply because he's scared and doesn't know how much time he has left. He's sick and dying and alone and scared. He put it out there his whole life...and now it's just coming back to him. I think its' sad. There are so many people in this world who have screwed up and continue to screw up. They blame it on the past. Dysfunctional families, abuse, whatever. Guess what? It's in the past!!! It's done. Over with...there is nothing you can do to change it..but there is also, nothing you can't change if you want to bad enough. It's a matter of priorities, asking for help if you need to, and taking care of you. If you can't take care of yourself, no one else can. No one else should and you certainly can't take care of others. Life has a way of giving you what you deserve. It's up to you to make it positive." Mouth opened. I told him how I felt.
Hubs got up and walked into the house. SHE was happy I said something...and backed her up. I felt like shit and pissed at her for bringing me into her crap..but satisfied. It's been building up for 4 years now. Now it's out there, finally.
++++
Now, let me counter this by saying. I still believe everything happens for a reason, though many times we don't know what that reason is. Why do bad things happen to good people? Please go visit Elle, as her son has been in the hospital for a couple of days and nearly died from what they thought was the flu. This is a woman who is a true testament to overcoming the odds and putting pain behind her. Please go say "Hi" and share your well wishes for her, her family and her son.
Thanks. Peace.
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